I really suck!

jlksadfjklasdfkljfdjkl!!!!! Ok so rehearsal went far from well tonight. I'm just so frustrated. I just can't do an old man voice. So my director thought maybe we should play around with the fact that it's a girl pretending to be an old man. I kinda like this idea. Which just means i have to do the most horrible old man impression I can and totally own it. I'm just trying too hard like I always do. I have so much more fun just letting go and having fun with things. But i take everything so seriously. It's my first real play here and I want it to be good. I just seem to try too hard at a lot of things and it's annoying. Blah!! I keep trying to tell myself hey janice you like doing this so have some fun! I'm just not fun. I'm boring and up tight and a complete square darn it!! Well i'm going to sleep. ROTC was hell today but fun. Well vale!