Oh yeah!!

Wahooo!! I got a 97 on my calc. final!!! Go me, go me, it's my birthday!! I is very happy!! I don't think i did so hot on german though. And then i handed my test in and the professor does that whole reading through your test paper right in front of you thing. And you totally freak out and study every facial expression to see if you absolutely failed!!! So i have to run for 30 min today in gym. I'm so terribly excited! I picked out a good cd though so that should help. Then off to do some surrealism. Speaking of which i should probably go do the reading for it. Vale!!

Ahhhhh!

So i have a whole ton of work to do. Ger. mid-term tomorrow and i really don't want to fail you know. But i got to do french and calc. as well. Blah! Yesterday i ended up skipping the cast party thing and went out to eat with some friends. We went to this bagdad (sp?) type restaurant. It was really pretty and totally empty when we got there. Food was good too lol. But it was really far away. We met some interesting people on the L though. One vietnam vet. and then this african-american gentleman who gave very politically correct compliments lol. Well i suppose i should get on to that hw. Vale!

Friday Night

Friday was a very crazy day. I was up all night the night before studying for calc. and david didn't get home till late so i had to keep at forever not getting any answers till then!! David you're my hero! I totally thought I was going to fail my mid-term 20min before it was over cuz i had 2 out of 5 problems that i still hadn't figured out. And then sparks flew and i saw the fire works and magic happened!! So i think i did alright so long as i didn't make any stupid errors. Anywho, then i went home and took a nap until german. Later, i met Kurt and we went to this open mic poetry thing in this little cafe. It was the funniest/coolest thing i've probably ever done in this city. There was singing, dancing, and lots of poetry!! So of course I had to recite me and jackie's infinity poem and it was awesome! Then i sang "loosing my mind" and it wasn't horrible! Everyone really liked it and i was dumbstruck. I mean i'm always being told by a certain someone that i am constantly complaining about on this blog and currently not talking to that I just suck. Well I don't believe you certain someone! You just haven't heard what i can do. I was amazed that I managed that song without warming up. And once i got up there I wasn't even a little bit afraid anymore. It was nice. It was a very good evening for several reasons. Well Vale!

I was awake today!

I couldn't believe how much of difference it is when you wake up and eat breakfast before class! I was actually taking notes in calc. today! It was amazing! So i went to classes and to gym. Not much to talk about. I saw Rachael perform last night at their study break and it was fantastic!! She rocked and I ended up getting shot! You had to be there! Well gtg do laundry! Vale!

Cont.

Well I ended up spending the evening watching I love the 90s part deux instead of learning my lines. That darn show is addicting lol! Then we watch HP 1 which was randomly on TV. Talked to friends for a while. I'm kinda in a weird place right now but weird good most of the time and I don't want to jinx it by writing about it online! Anywho, I’m still not talking to Daniel. And I don't think he was ever really my friend at all. If he were he would have cared enough about me to apologize by now. And I'm not going to go back to being his play thing he can torture whenever he wants just to make himself feel more powerful. I was watching him tonight and I kind of felt sorry for him. It's like he has a constant need for people to affirm that he is a special genius of a person. I can't tell you how many times he looked at Rachael and others for affirmation of the cleverness, etc. of something he had said or done. It just makes me wonder why? Why would he need constant affirmations when he supposedly has already decided that he is a genius with tons to offer? So it seems to me he must be far more insecure than he lets on. Fearing mediocrity, maybe he tries too hard and ends up turning himself into something else entirely. I wonder if I do this myself. I've never felt the need to prove myself to anyone. I am who am and I don't feel the need to change my behavior to prove to everyone who that is. It should be evident from my behavior what kind of person I am and what I'm good at. But I do act a bit differently around others. I know I do. I like to carry myself in such a way that people treat me with a certain amount of common courtesy. Maybe, because my parents never really respected me as a human being with valid thoughts and ideas, I tend to value this respect more. Well good night. Vale!

I did it again!

Well i went to math class and again i forgot to turn in my stupid homework!! jksajklsdfajklsfda!!! Other than that it's been a pretty boring day. I made up the quiz i missed in french, drew pictures in gtl like usual. Nothing particularly interesting. Killing time before gym. I think i'm going to work on my lines tonight. THe lounges should be empty so it should be good. Well Vale!

Crazy Day!!!

I am sooooooo busy today!! Blah!! I'm not going to have a moment to do anything till 10-11pm tonight!! Class all day, then gym, then german video thingy, then eat, go to rehersal, then meet Kirk and get home eventually i hope!! Good thing all i need to do tonight is iron my uniform!! Boo on ROTC starting again. THursdays were so very nice without it!!! Oh well. GTG to gym! Vale!

Studying...

So i went to math this morning and made sure to actually turn in my hw this time. Good news though there's no hw for next class. Then i went and studied for german until 12:30 when the exam began. I think i did alright. Forgot that brille means glasses and i totally knew that! Blah!!! Let's see... So now i need to do my french lecture hw and then go to gym. I was up way to late last night. I was wathcing anchor man in mathews and then when i came back i got an e-mail about rehersal schedule. Good news! I am now playing another part! So i'm now in two scenes and have one more line! lol. Which means i have to go to tues. and wed. night. I also got an e-mail about rotc and i'm gonna have to go cut my hair tommorow. I'll just have to skip out of tutorial early and go before work. Well, better get to that french! Vale!

P.S.

I have 20 lines!! Wahoo!! And i'm in one whole scene!! La de da!

My script that I made after cutting out all of the latin!! 

Look at all the pretty colored paper! 

It opens! 

Remembering

So I woke up late and missed church so I’m gonna have to go at 5pm. Anyways, I was sitting and talking to friends in Mathews trying not to do hw but eventually I had to leave cuz they had hw they wanted to do as well. I was just checking my e-mail and going through some of the messages I had saved on my hotmail account. And there was one really sweet e-mail I got from a friend the summer before my senior year. It’s nice to know that at least for that moment I had someone that really cared about me and was brave enough to put it into words. One of those special moments you’ll have imprinted on your heart forever. It made me smile. Vale!

Wahoo!!

I don't know why but i got a part in that play that i bombed the audition for. They must be desperate cuz that was probably the most horrible audition i ever did. I was way too big and went a bit too fast. But oh well at least i got into a show!! Wahoo! I'm probably going to miss the read through though cuz they changed the time last night and i have to work! I'm kinda bummed but what can you do? Anywho, I'm sitting in the reg till i have to be at work. La de da! Vale!

Confused

So I totally bombed this audition tonight. If they cast me then they're really crappy directors or really desperate. I don't know; I just went too fast. I've just been rather agitated lately and I couldn't keep it out for some reason. Anyways, whatever. I need to find a monologue for this audition for sat. At least it's on my own terms. My monologue! So I went and took my quiz for math this morning and now I’m doing the hw and messing up on the darn algebra. I miss happy numbers! I spent a lot of time cleaning my room and taking a shower. Did some hum. reading. Pretty uneventful day.

Daniel is still not talking to me. Whatever. Life just isn't fair or nice sometimes. And it looks like I’m not even going to be able to hang out with my friends in Mathews much anymore cuz he’s always there ignoring me. I have been neglecting my coulter friends so it may be a blessing in disguise. Saw Ben at lunch today. I haven't talked to him in ages. He's doing well and we talked for a bit. I just sort of wonder why he didn't want me. I just got tired of initiating everything so I just sort of took the hint and left him alone. Maybe he thinks I’m an annoying overly emotional individual like Daniel does. But I can't help it! I try and stay in control but you can only push me so far. Why do I have to be so sensitive? I didn't ask to be this way. I really don’t want to be an analytical unemotional person though. I like being able to be happy and being able to experience things without thinking.

Long day...

So i actually didn't do hardly any hw last night cuz i didn't feel like it. So i watched this movie called Deeply instead. I think it messed with me i don't know but i ended up going to bed round midnight. Still really upset but i feel a lot better today. So i woke up early and did my hw. Managed to finish german and french in calc. Then i had to run back to my dorm to get the ger. essay prompt i forgot so i could write the essay and then come to find out it wasn't even due today!!! Blah! So i'm here killing time before gym. I brought aida to listen to instead of phantom cuz i get too into phantom and mess up my breathing while i'm running. It's so much more fun to sing along though!! Well more later. Vale!

I'm sooooooooo mad!

I've never been so terribly upset with anyone in my entire life! I've been trying really hard to be friends with daniel because I like hanging out with him and rachael and my other friends in mathews but unfortunely I just don't think it's going to work. I can't stand his constant lack of caring for anyone else's feelings but his own. He's a spoiled selfish little brat who can't look at anything from someone else's perspective. Because he thinks he's some genius that shouldn't have to change for anyone or have to conform to anyone's box they try and put him in. He's constantly trying to be diffent and blah-de-da but he's not smart enough to get along with people. TO have relationships with peolple that go both ways and not just his way! I'm just tired of crying. I'm tired of letting him get to me. I'm tired of being so upset i get no sleep and can't concentrate on my homework! But i can't avoid him cuz he's friends with so many people that i enjoy hanging out with. I just don't know what to do. I know i'm supposed to love my neighbor and that I shouldn't judge people but i can't take the constant pain. It just hurts. That a friend of mine would treat me with less respect than he would afford a stranger or a dog! He went and wrote a bunch of messages to my friends on the facebook under my name that were really mean and really hurtful. I would never say anything disrespectful about one of my friends. And i guess i'm naive enough to believe that people would have the same courtesy for me. But no, spoiled little Daniel can only see how he feels and how he was annoyed that I talked to his friends online but i was nice. I talked about books we had read recently and college admissions essays and things like that. I was just trying to play around and daniel was trying to be mean and spiteful and i just don't understand it. No matter how upset I got i wouldn't do something mean that would hurt someone i cared about no matter how upset i got. I guess what hurt me the most was to know that he did it on purpose to hurt me. What have i ever done but try to be nice to him?! I've tried to not take things he says personally, tried to make allowances for the fact that he's not as perceptive as some to tell how he affects the feelings of his friends. ANd i apoligized to him for getting on his computer without having to be "taught a lesson" because i knew I had upset him earlier that day. Why couldn't he have told me then what he had done? If he had said "hey i was really mad and did something stupid. i wrote some pretty mean messages to some of your friends through your face book. I know there's no amount anything that could justify doing what i did. But i'm sorry." But daniel is never sorry. he doesn't care about anyone but himself and only apologizes when he knows you won't speak to him otherwise. I just don't know what else i can do. I'm trying not to judge and trying to think of how to be nice but i don't want to just start hanging out with him again just because i want to hang with rachael and the others and pretend it never happened. Maybe if this was the only thing he had ever done it would be easier but it's not the only thing. It's the final thing that tipped the scale and made me realize that i don't think this can get better. I just don't know what to do. Well off to gym.

Janice

Me and my puppy! 

Me & my Sister! 

My Dad! 

Jackie & Urenna @ the movies! 

Daniel is annoying and won't turn off the music!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to kill him one of these days and I mean it!! Well as expected I didn't get called back for Crucible or Poe. I wasn't expecting or really desiring to get into Poe but I thought maybe the Crucible sinse there were so many younger parts but no, I was forced to audition for the woman part and not the girl part! Oh well. I really want to be in a work shop or something. I just need to be in show. I'm just going to die! I almost started crying in the dining hall at lunch today. I don't know why i miss it so much when i'm obviously suck at it! Whatever. We'll see what happens this Friday. Vale!

Auditions

Well i totally didn't do any hw today cuz i was so worrying about auditions all day. What can i say i'm desperate!! I need to be in a show! So i was practically on the verge of vomiting! Anyways i just got in there and i was fine. In fact is was so much fun! I couldn't believe how much fun that was! I miss theatre so much. I didn't even care at all that there was such a small group of people watching. I just wanted an audience! It was a amazing and now i can't concentrate to study. I think i'm gonna go to sleep and wake up early and do it. I hope i get something! Anything! I just want to be in a show so badly. What on earth am i going to do when i graduate!! Well night! Vale!

Well I'm back!

So school started today. Was running around a lot. I'm excited about auditions tomorrow. I'm trying to remind myself why I love theatre so much. I hate closed auditions. I miss having an audience. I was hanging out in Rachael's room most of the evening. Dan and Rachael, think or rather don't think like an F for five seconds please! Just get it over with already for crying out loud. Everyone can see what you two don't want to! So just get over it already!!! My goodness. Anyways i'm tired. More later! Vale!