Christmas

I know i haven't updated this thing in days! I know I suck! Oh well. I've been busy not doing much of anything. I kinda miss having a schedule! Anyways today was pretty much your predictable Christmas. Woke up and opened presents. Then I went to church. Came home and helped cook a bit. I was feeling sooo sick this morning though. I think it was mostly cuz I hadn’t eaten anything all day and when I got home around noon I felt sick to my stomach. I guess cold medicine shouldn’t be taken on an empty stomach. So we ate, cleaned up, then I read HP. What’s so wrong with that? So it’s my fav. books! What’s wrong with reading them more than once? So what if some would call them beneath me! I love them. They’re very clever. I don’t know I just don’t feel connected to a classic author in the same way I do to J.K’s simple honesty. Something about them is absolutely charming. They remind me of my dad. Seemingly simple and yet they are very clever and there’s something inescapably lovable about them. They’re not written to impress. They simply are what they are and I like that. Yeah I’ve read a whole bunch of better written books but none so terribly delightful. And they’ve become part of my Christmas tradition! I read them every winter! So there Daniel and all you other book snobs!!!!! I love Harry Potter books! So whatcha going to do about it?

I just felt like venting there. A certain afore mentioned person has a way of making me want to defend myself since said person makes decisions about life and how it should be lived and hence his way is the only way. Passing judgments about things he knows nothing about. Absolutely nothing! I don’t know; I think HP helps me ground myself. Helps me remember that little girl I was once. So lost but so sure things would be ok. I remember thinking I would never get out of that house. That I’d never escape that place where I was always wrong. Where doing everything in my power to please her was never good enough. I just didn’t understand. I knew that she must love me because she’s my mother right? That’s how mothers always feel in books. In my books about other worlds where everything made sense. Where people had things they believed in! There were things they would die for. I remember always wishing I had something I felt so strongly about I would be willing to die for it. Something worth living for. And in a way, as I grew up I became that for myself. Me and my dream were what made it all worth it. How self centered does that sound? So I doubted myself. I was going to give it all up. I was going to dedicate my life to serving others. And I tried. Tried harder than I’ve ever tried anything in my life. But there was my dream still ever present in the back of my mind. And I knew I’d never be able to stop. I had to do it. I don’t know why but it’s what I was born to do. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. And it’s what I am going to do. No matter how long it takes. Don’t ask how I ended up here. I don’t know. Night!