Cont.

Well I ended up spending the evening watching I love the 90s part deux instead of learning my lines. That darn show is addicting lol! Then we watch HP 1 which was randomly on TV. Talked to friends for a while. I'm kinda in a weird place right now but weird good most of the time and I don't want to jinx it by writing about it online! Anywho, I’m still not talking to Daniel. And I don't think he was ever really my friend at all. If he were he would have cared enough about me to apologize by now. And I'm not going to go back to being his play thing he can torture whenever he wants just to make himself feel more powerful. I was watching him tonight and I kind of felt sorry for him. It's like he has a constant need for people to affirm that he is a special genius of a person. I can't tell you how many times he looked at Rachael and others for affirmation of the cleverness, etc. of something he had said or done. It just makes me wonder why? Why would he need constant affirmations when he supposedly has already decided that he is a genius with tons to offer? So it seems to me he must be far more insecure than he lets on. Fearing mediocrity, maybe he tries too hard and ends up turning himself into something else entirely. I wonder if I do this myself. I've never felt the need to prove myself to anyone. I am who am and I don't feel the need to change my behavior to prove to everyone who that is. It should be evident from my behavior what kind of person I am and what I'm good at. But I do act a bit differently around others. I know I do. I like to carry myself in such a way that people treat me with a certain amount of common courtesy. Maybe, because my parents never really respected me as a human being with valid thoughts and ideas, I tend to value this respect more. Well good night. Vale!