At the Bubba Gump shrimp restaurant at Navy Pier! I also got a job at the BiBop cafe at navy pier, but I'm not gonna take that one. They don't do the volume and their plate is much cheaper. I have orientation tomorrow! NO MORE LIBRARY!!!!!!!
Civ. today was actually rather interesting. We were discussing Roman persecution of various religious sects. I think I might write my paper about it. I especially liked the Roman description of christians. Basically they called them cannables (that even ate babies!) and said that they practiced a lot of incest (more than likely because christians called each other brother and sister). It was fun. Then I worked at the library all day. In the afternoon I did some sweeps (you know wondering around looking for book just left around in the stacks) and I was dancing harder than I have in quite a while to all the non-dancing sorts of songs on my shuffle. :p Then home, dinner, watched Rent with some people in the lounge, spent too much time online, then Jon and I watched some Gargoyles ( i just downloaded it ;), and then jon, kate, and I talked for a few hours about random stuff. So now it's late and I should go to bed. But I haven't actually written anything for a while so I thought I change it up a bit. Anywho, vale!
Kate sent me this link. It's amazing sometimes!
http://www.overheardinchicago.blogspot.com/
| You scored higher than 25% on confidence | ||
| You scored higher than 84% on compassion | ||
| You scored higher than 24% on dedication |
The Which Grey's Anatomy Intern RU Test
| Link: The Box of Chocolates Test written by weerediii on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
Ok!! So I got an A- on my Civ. paper, B+ on my super crappy Alexander the Great paper, Dan Stearns is letting me take his Shakespeare in Performance class, I just sent off my application for the 500 Clown class, and Jackie might be coming to visit the weekend after I turn in my final papers!?!?!?! Hootey-Hoo!!
Listen to some stuff here:
http://myspace.com/nousnonplus
You can get the lyrics in english here:
http://www.nousnonplus.com/nnp_lyrics1.html
I especially liked the lawnmower song. So silly!
Vale!
Bah on the world. I have class at 9am and I am so not tired. I tried to go to sleep and it totally failed. So now I'm gonna read mamet's True and False: Heresy and Common Sense for the Actor. We'll see how it goes. Vale!
I think I am going to stay at UofC for my final year and not graduate early. My BA is a mess and there are a bunch of acting classes being offered next quarter and next year here at UofC that I would like to take. So I went and talked to David Spatz who didn't want me to just forget about my BA and goof off, but said it would be fine for me to do. I just have to talk to my advisor and preceptor. Yeah, so I think I'm gonna do it. I am meeting with my BA and academic advisors tomorrow and working it all out. Hopefully, it all goes well!! Only sad thing to note: I can't pre-register cuz i forgot to meet with my advisor. I'm such a space case sometimes. Thank God auditions are OVER!!!! Vale!
How many times can I listen to this song? Why is this the song? Right now I find myself in need of a little morale. I did my last audition this past weekend. It went very well, but they only take five girls, so there's not much hope really. But I have plans set in place for next year. Patience and hard work. I can do this.
Jon, my oh so awesome valentine, gave me the nicest card. It said: "Roses are red, Violets are blue, but not even lime green egyptian theatres are as groovy as a chic like you!" He also gave me raspberry Lindt chocolate and godiva raspberry ice cream!!! I wanted to get Jon some manly stuff for valentine's day, so I gave him 2 cards (one tacky one that played music ;), a KING sized snickers, and a manual can opener (I mean what's more manly than a manual can opener???) :p
So I'm watching eternal sunshine for the millionth time, and all of a sudden i started thinking about where I would hide memories, and you know just random childhood memories. It's dumb the stuff we remember. So here are a few of mine:
~Running all over the house with lame excuses like i need to clean my stuff in the kitchen, so i wouldn't have to keep watching Jurrasick Park, but invariably I'd come back, freak out, and make another lame excuse to leave.
~Sitting on a stool in the kitchen as my mom cut my hair short for the one and only time i had my hair cut short.
~Playing in my mom's room at her dresser with the big mirror. One time I kept brushing my bangs to the side to make them look like Ariel's from the little mermaid.
~All my barbies, my barbie comforter, the alladin stickers on the wall.
~Ultimate Hide and Go seek
~Putting on my old purple clothes to go play in a big pile of dirt they just brought in for building a new house.
~The little boy named Eric who lived across the street.
~following a creek to a lake no one knew existed
~getting caught in a storm of bits of dandelions when i was walking in the woods
~jamming to alanis morsett for hours while walking my dogs
~performing skits for my mom on the tile entryway to the house
~the christmas room! our extra living room became a christmas room. Lights everywhere and the little village that my mom made. I remember sitting on the couch in there just enjoying the lights.
~my mom's big closet that was filled with tons of craft stuff. she always had just what you needed.
~falling off the monkey bars and having the wind knocked out of me for the first time. i thought i was dying.
~my too perfect first date/first kiss under the stars at my first homecoming dance
~the huge argument that same night with my mom because everything fell out of my purse during that kiss and i didn't notice. My mom got all pissed that there weren't any pictures and we were screaming and i was crying. My mom decided she wanted those pictures so she took some of me crying in my dress. I don't know what ever happened to them. My mom never remembered to develop film. I remember thinking this was the most "perfect" way to end such a great evening.
~crying in the bathroom to my dad when i finally decided i had to leave
~crying in my dad's arms when i found out my parents were getting a divorce
~my dad hitting me so hard my mom called the police. the next day when all my teachers kept asking my what happened.
~exploring every inch of every neighborhood i ever lived in
~birthday cakes. my mom always made the best birthday cakes. green ones, pink ones, ones with trolls, one shaped like a worm. whatever i wanted. green icing with pink cake.
~spending summers at my dad's and reading all day and all night
~hours spent volunteering in the library
~kick ball
~the fire drill that lasted an entire day cuz they couldn't figure out what had tripped the alarm
i guess that's enough for now.
I don't get why everyone is so anti-valentine's day. It's like one of the silliest, funnest holidays every. This just goes to show that people take themselves too seriously! I mean it's so cliché to hate Valentine's day! Anywho, I picked Jon to be my Valentine so I would have someone to lavish my affection on, and I've been having waaay to much fun with it. And it's so nice to be done with mid-term papers. Since Saturday I have done the following:
Saturday: 8pg paper on ethics and evolution
Sunday: 7pg paper for Civ. on Roman attitudes on slavery.
Monday: 2pg paper about Male vs. Female long-term/short-term mating strategies
Tuesday: 5pg paper refuting the relevance of the entire topic for my Alexander the Great class
Wednesday: 7.3pgs of introductory material for my BA
Total: 29.3pgs in 5 days, including all the research for each paper. A Personal Record!
Anywho, yup. I'm glad to be done writing!?!!!
Thank God it's Valentine's Day!
So I did the Illinois Theatre Association open call audition yesterday, which was crazy. I only had two minutes, and neither of my monologues really worked in that format... Anywho, I got in there, told them my name, and they started the timer!!! Normally the timer starts when you start you actual pieces so you can take a moment to breathe and then start, but no such luck with these people. I led out with my smaller, emotional, personal piece cuz that's the one that usually gets people, but my heart was racing and my whole body started shaking and I couln't center my breath! Bah! So I think I need to lead out with a very active piece, where I can use that energy to propel me forward. So I think I'm gonna start with Violet ;) The cool thing about this audition was I got to watch the other 12 people in my group audition and I can sum up their work in three bullets:
~No one used the space
~No one was really personalized
~No one had a sense of humor!
And violet has all of those things. So, I'm doing it! lol. Let's hope for the best!
In other news: My BA is a disaster!
Vale!
Harry Potter 7, July 21st. I want to die!!!! ;alskdjf;alskdjf;alskdfja; lsdf I want this weekend to be over already! Vale!
I love that I have my music back!!!!! Thank God for music!!! Now! Do it! Music will be returning to my blog in the near future (hopefully). lalalalalalalala! i wish i could sing. Stupid nose!!! Vale!
Ok, so my Mac is now fixed!!! been working for more than 48 hours!! Moral of the story: Don't drop your computer!!!
OMG! Juilliard audition is on MONDAY!! Yes this monday and I need to write 12 pgs of my BA and an 8pg paper for Evol. Mind Morality!!! Bah on the world. I should just lock myself in a room and do it, but everytime I try and work I end up working on my monolgues. Kurt thinks I'm ready. I'm excited, but freaking out that this is it. Oh, and if they ask me to sing I have no freakin' clue what I'm gonna do. I'm so stuffed up that nothing is working right. That and I'm really not a singer. I'm just going to make it short and the least painless it can be. laksjdf;alksdjfa;. Oh and I spent most of today trying to get oppen office to work on my computer since my word software won't work. Bahahahahahahahaha. Yeah. I'm freaking out. How many times can I sayt that in a day?! I just need to relax, breathe, and kick some ass. I wish monday were here and then i wouldn't have to freak out anymore. That and my papers would be done ;) Yeah, my last evol. mind morality paper went well. Too bad I'm not going to be in class to see if he picks it to read. I was arguing for Camus that the main phylisophical question is whether to commit suicide or not. Normally I wouldn't argue something like that but this SocioBiologist dude Williams was so freakin' annoying I just felt like giving him grief. yeah. So I should go do work and not think about stuff. But stuff is all i can think about alskdjfa;lsdkfja;lsdkfj. I'm ready, I'm awesome, I'm good enough! I'm more than good enough! Their program will be lacking without me!! That's the mentatility. I'm gonna kick some ass. Just make it personal, and beautiful, and breathe!!! Just breathe!! And make big choiceS!!! DIscoveries!!!
Monday, February 5th
9:30am Juilliard Audition (Palmer House)
Tuesday, February 6th
8:30am URTA orientation (Palmer House)
9:22am URTA audition (Palmer House)
10:40am ACT audition (Hyatt)
4pm NYU audition (Hyatt)
Thursday, February 8th
11:00am Yale School of Drama audition
Saturday, February 17th
8:00am DePaul Audition
I've got my audition schedule (one still needs to be changed though)
Monday, February 5th
9:30am Juilliard Audition (Palmer House)
Tuesday, February 6th
8:30am URTA orientation (Palmer House)
9:22am URTA audition (Palmer House)
10:40am ACT audition (Hyatt)
11:00am NYU audition (Hyatt) (I hope I can get this one moved)
Thursday, February 8th
11:00am Yale School of Drama audition
Saturday, February 17th
8:00am DePaul Audition
Sorry for no real posts in what feels like forever. Classes start tomorrow. I of course have a plan. I always have plans. Many of the ones for this quarter are inspired by songs. I spent so much of break just listening to music. You know, all your favorite songs kinda music? The stuff that always speaks to you without fail? Anywho, I should go to bed.
"I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line
With two hundred girls
Who are younger and thinner than me
Who have already been to the gym
I'm waiting five hours in line
And watching the girls
Just coming and going
In dresses that look just like this
Till my number is finally called."
-The Last Five Years, "Climbing Uphill"
I'm opening up my blog so that anyone can comment on it again. Jackie, have fun with your anonymous notes again! lol.
Bah on O'hare being so damn far away!! Anywho, so I was reading some speculation about the new HP title and now that I think about it's implications, etc. I think it might not be so bad afterall. Yup, so I just read my new scene for scene study class and it's AMAZING!!! lol. I'm playing a crazy! lol. Back to what I'm good at! Yeah, I think Kurt is getting better at picking scenes for me. Speaking of Kurt, I went to work with him one on one this week and boy was that an experience. I've never worked on minutia like that before. Immediate Need: something small, about the size of a golf ball with a goofy face... some sort of toy, etc. I probably should just make it. Oh, and I'm sorry about the confusion about leaving notes on my blog lately. Blogger has finally gone google, so you'll need a google account to leave notes now I think. Anywho, Happy Christmas everyone!! :p
I've gotten like nothing done during my first week of break. This week I'm taking the GRE!! wahoo!!! Yeah, and stuff. So michael was playing this really angry song which he called a "love" song and somehow this led to the challenge of making a "love" playlist. Mine is long but here goes with a blurb explaining why I picked each song:
"The Cuddles Mary Gave" from A Man of No Importance
It's a quarter till 5am and my paper is almost done. I think I just figured out what direction I want to take the final installment of this beast! So, I'm in Crerar, cuz that's where they've moved the all night study space and it's weird. There are tons of people here but they're all Stuying! lol. I'm by the computers so I get a bit of typing noise, etc. Yeah, I've definetly been getting more work done here. It's my first time going to the library to write a paper, but the last two I did were torture cuz my bed was soooo close. Even though I wasn't that tired. But tomorrow I will done, for an entire month!! No papers!! Just lots and lots of theatre!! Mwahahahahaha! :p I should look up on metromix what there is to do in chicago over christmas!!
My Anc. Med. World professor just took the time to tell me I did a great job in Phaedra, which he couldn't tell me earlier because I haven't been to class in quite a while. Bah! Oh well. Papers are getting done.
Juilliard App. submitted. I'm worried though. Cuz I was reading some of the fine print in the "instructions" i just now was finally able to read. Audition slot's "limited" and some such... and granted on a first come first served basis. Now I'm worried about just getting and audition slot since I'm applying so close to the deadline. Well, lets hope for the best. Vale.
Instead, i've been working on my Juilliard App. I finally figured out how to view the instructions lol. WHich is why I never saw the deadline was DECEMBER 1!!! lol. They were .asp files which are kinda like .pdf files. So, I had to update my adobe acrobat, and badabing badaboom, it worked! Looks like I have to send them my resume and headshot seperately and they are not due till feb. 15th. Cool beans. All i need now is to find out the name of my dad's employer and have someone look over my app. and make sure there isn't something incredibly stupid. Any volunteers? lol. Bed time!
I didn’t want to become an actress. In fact, I’ve spent the past five years talking myself out of it. But, despite myself, here I am, applying to Julliard because I can’t keep myself out of a theatre. This all seems odd though, because for most of my life, my primary goal was to become an Egyptologist. Egypt had been my passion since before I could read, and I worked my ass off in the International Baccalaureate (IB) program at my high school in hopes of getting into the university with the best Egyptology department in the country. An IB student’s life is intense; I woke up most days around three in the morning in order to finish my homework. However, I didn’t hate the time commitment—I loved it! If I could have had my way, I’d have studied every moment of the day, which would have easily driven me insane. So, I found something to do that I enjoyed and that kept me from studying constantly—Theatre.
Theatre was like taking the analytical ideas from my literature classes to the next level; you needed to know the symbols, archetypes, themes, and so on, but then you had to make them apparent and truly meaningful to an audience. On stage, I found a way to release something inside of myself that I had never before encountered. Through my art, I felt a connection to the persons in the audience: I was able to use my intellect in a way that could be shared directly with them.
But I was the smart kid who was going to pursue a life in academia. How could I ignore my intellectual potential? How could I turn down an opportunity to attend one of the most rigorous academic programs for undergraduates in the entire country?! I couldn’t. I went to the University of Chicago where I excelled in my classes. Yet, by the beginning of second year, I found myself spending all my time in play rehearsals and none of my time doing my Middle Egyptian Hieroglyphics homework.
It was then that I finally realized how much I love acting, and more importantly, how much I love connecting to people through performance. I remember my priest quoting Mother Teresa once, saying that, “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.” Being an Egyptologist wouldn’t help anyone but myself, but as an actress, I could counteract this sort of sickness. Theatre helps remind audience members that they are connected to each other, to the actors, and to the playwright through their shared experiences. One can explore the history of ideas through the words of playwrights in an intensely intriguing and personal way. This is what I want my art to accomplish. I want to touch people, change people, and interact with people honestly. So here I am, soon to graduate from the U of C, ready to do something that’s important, something that I love.
I can’t sleep. I need a plan?! Everytime I make one I fail. I need to get real and get focused. I know I want this more than anything, but I’m not going all the way. I’m sabotaging myself. I know in my heart this is right. I was made for this goddamn it! Everytime I’m in a theatre I get tingles. I’ll read a play sometimes and I can’t wait to perform it. I love this and I want this. I just need to do it! No plan. Just do it. You know what to do. Bed time.
I went to this lecture done by anne bogart and it was amazing, inspiring, just plain wow. That's all i can say. I couldn't help but take lots of notes. ANd she had an almost identical mother teresa quote that i put in my juilliard statement?! Yeah, I need to revise that statement now. And she talked aboutthis training program at harvard that looks amazing. They require a residency in freakin' Russia!! So now i have another school. I need to narrow! Bah humbug.
Phaedra is OVER@!!! Yay! lol. Now time to write many papers! And rehearse for my UT day stuff! Yup, been busy. Flower exploding=important for good performances. I'm sore from doing push-ups because I was 15 minutes late getting to the theatre for our last performance. I over did it with 20 push ups... dumb idea. Oh well. Yeah, I'm going to this ann bogart theatre talk thing tonight. I really don't have anything really interesting to talk about... Oh, I might be an intellectual history major! And, I sent off my first app. for drama schools! Oh crap. I need to sign up for the GRE. Darn it all. Well, Vale!
I didn’t want to become an actress. In fact, I’ve spent the past five years talking myself out of it. But, despite myself, here I am, applying to Julliard because I can’t keep myself out of a theatre. This all seems odd though, because for most of my life my primary goal was to become an Egyptologist. Egypt had been my passion since before I could read, and I worked my ass off in the International Baccalaureate (IB) program at my high school in hopes of getting into the university with the best Egyptology department in the country. An IB student’s life is intense, waking up most days around three in the morning in order to finish my homework. But I didn’t hate the time commitment—I loved it! If I could have had my way, I’d have studied every moment of the day, but that would have easily driven me insane. Instead, I found something to do that I enjoyed and that kept me from studying constantly—Theatre.
Theatre was like taking the analytical ideas from my literature classes to the next level; you needed to know the symbols, archetypes, themes, and so on, but then you had to make them apparent and truly meaningful to an audience. On stage I found a way to release something inside of myself that I had never before encountered. Through my art, I felt a connection to the persons in the audience: I was able to use my intellect in a way that could be shared directly with them.
But I was the smart kid who was going to pursue a life in academia. How could I ignore my intellectual potential? How could I turn down an opportunity to attend one of the most rigorous academic programs for undergraduates in the entire country?! I couldn’t. I went to the University of Chicago where I excelled in my classes. Yet, by the beginning of second year, I found myself spending all my time in play rehearsals and none of my time doing my Middle Egyptian Hieroglyphics homework.
It was then that I finally realized how much I love acting, and, more importantly, how much I love connecting to people through performance. That’s what makes doing theatre genuinely worthwhile. I remember my priest quoting Mother Teresa once, saying that, “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.” Being an Egyptologist wouldn’t help anyone but myself, but as an actress I could counteract this sort of sickness; theatre helps remind audience members that they are connected to each other, and to the actors, through their shared experiences. This is what I want my art to accomplish. I want to touch people, change people, and interact with people honestly. So here I am, soon to graduate from the U of C, ready to do something that’s important, something that I love.
Word Count: 490!!
Please write a personal statement of approximately 500 words about why you have chosen to become an actor and your personal artistic goals. We encourage you to write frankly and openly about: your life, your connection to your art, how you see your art connecting to the world. Share your passion about people, politics, other art forms, or about anything that speaks to you.
I didn’t want to become an actress. In fact, I’ve spent the past five years talking myself out of it. But, despite myself, here I am, applying to Juilliard, because I can’t keep myself out of a theatre. This all seems odd though, because for most of my life, my primary goal was to become an Egyptologist. Egypt had been my passion since before I could read, and I worked my ass off in high school in the International Baccalaureate (IB) program so that I could pursue a career in Egyptology at the university with the best department in the country. Life for a student in IB is intense; I woke up most days around three in the morning in order to finish my homework. But I didn’t hate the time commitment—I loved it! If I could have had my way, I’d have studied every moment of the day, but that would have easily driven me insane. Instead, like most IB students, I found something to do that I enjoyed and that kept me from studying constantly—Theatre.
Theatre was like taking the analytical ideas I was learning in my literature classes to the next level; you needed to know the symbols, archetypes, themes, and so on, but then you had to make them apparent and truly meaningful to an audience. On stage I found a way to release something inside of myself that I didn’t even know was there. I felt a connection to the people in the audience through my work on stage, and I was able to use my intellect in such a way that I could share it directly with others.
But I was the smart kid who was going to college to pursue a life in academia. How could I not fully realize my intellectual potential? How could I turn down an opportunity to attend one of the most rigorous academic programs for undergraduates in the entire country?! Well, I couldn’t. I went to the University of Chicago, and I excelled in most of my classes. But, by the beginning of second year, I found myself spending all my time in play rehearsals and none of my time doing my Middle Egyptian Hieroglyphics homework.
It was then that I finally realized how much I love acting, but, more importantly, how much I love connecting to people through performance. I think that’s what makes doing theatre genuinely worthwhile. On the other hand, the longer I pursued Egyptology the less appealing it became: being an Egyptologist wouldn’t help anyone but myself. I remember my priest quoting Mother Teresa once, saying that, “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.” I think that theatre helps counteract this sort of sickness; it helps remind the audience members that they are connected to each other, and to the actors, through their shared experiences. This is what I want my art to accomplish. I want to touch people, change people, and interact with people honestly. So, here I am, soon to graduate from the U of C, ready to start over and do something that’s important, something that I love.
My goodness! How I miss sleep! 2 papers are done! And my phil. of hist. prof. was very understanding when i turned it in late (he hasn't given us back our first two papers yet ;). Anywho, I met with Kurt last night. Gave him the recommendation stuff. We both agreed that I'm not going far enough and I can't seem to figure out what the problem is. My theory? I'm doing to much and I can't focus on anything. But that's life. I just need to work harder. ANywho, back to work!
Because I should be memorizing my lines (for Phaedra and acting class) and writing my two papers that are due monday! :(
More original thought?? When the question is stupid as what were the differences between Archaic sparta and the polis of homer and hesiod.?! Bah. I couldn't think of anything to say that we didn't say in discussion... Well, we're going to kick this next paper's ass! I got an A- on the midterm though, which is nice. Two grades together make a B+? lol. Yeah. Bah on stupid core classes!
I'm so stupid! I'm like the stupidest person I know! I didn't see it! I thought I wasn't one of those girls, but I guess I was. New system, more research, new standards, new rules!! I'm going to stay in Chicago over Christmas. I've just got WAAAY too much to do. I'm not sure where I'm going to stay but I'll figure something out. I've just got to much work to do. I have to take the GRE :( and I'm getting my head shots done this Friday. Oh, and I have to write a paper for friday and two for monday and I've got a crap load of lines to memorize before rehearsal tonight. Bah on being busy. And I must do pilates tonight to make up for all the freakin' candy I ate yesterday ;) I'm in a good mood today. Vale!
I did it! I'm officially registered to vote!! I have a card and everything!! Wahoo!
No one's here. I sit alone,
At the dawn of a new journey.
Dancing around a truth
That I don't wanna see.
You don't love me.
You don't even desire me.
I was so scared to let you in—
Terrified you might penetrate my walls
Later, I feared the empty space
That’d remain if you left...
when you left.
We never were quite right,
"Us" was always draining,
And now we're both tired of pretending.
I thought I was ready to jump!
But I had to meet a boy,
A man more lost than me.
The world spins around us...
kites fly, shoes fly, dreams fly
and finally you fly...away,
far away from me.
And now I miss the closeness.
I miss your bright green eyes.
I wish we could have made us work.
I wish you, had told me, goodbye.
It has a tune now. It's a sad song, but I like it, and it feels good to sing it.
that I only listen to soft sad songs in the middle of the night after I've had a really great day? It's almost as if I can't let myself just enjoy something... No that's not it. I think I just get comfortable from having a nice time that things softly come out. And tonight I keep remembering happy times that I miss. People that I miss a lot. That sort of thing. Life has been beyond crazy lately. So much to do... I've been writing to-do lists. here's my current one:
~get readings for phil. of history
~get funny greek words for pronunciation (bring recorder)
~read La Bête
~Get list of plays to look at for Rachael
~Write paper for P.H.
~Make Proposal for monologue show
Yeah, acting class today was crazy! I'm doing this scene that you just can't tell if you're doing well or not. Bah! I just don't know if I'm doing ok or not. Everyone else's scene was amazing! So I just felt kinda inferior. Whatever. Anywho, paper to write tomorrow. So I should go to sleep so I can get an early start at it. I have no idea what the hell I'm going to write. Yup, fun stuff. There was this one part of my scene that was just so hard. She looked at me with these puppy dog eyes, and I don't know why but it reminded me of my sister and I just couldn't handle it. Kurt called me on it and told me I had to go there and made me do the section again. And I did. And it hurt. I hope it was worth it. Vale.
I want to squash this dream of us:
Only A few years from now
When you finally get your shit together,
We find each other once again…
Stop… I should stop.
This waking dream keeps me from sleeping.
It knows my flaws, my fears, my yearnings,
And how to taunt me with such visions
That I just can’t stop reviewing.
I don’t want you anymore!
I see something else I want…
Yes there is Someone else I want,
A real human who can be here.
But the delusion holds me back;
It prevents me from breathing, and from leaving;
The longing holds me captive.
And I can’t find it, I can’t destroy it…
Just let go, that’s all that’s left…
Forget the hopes, the dreams, the sighs…
Just move and make something better.
Let go. Yes, now it’s time.
I'm pretty sure the second verse is the chorus.
I asked Josh to not talk to me for a "while" tonight. I've wanted to do it for a while... It just hurts to talk to him and I don't know why. I know it's over. He know's it's over. I've accepted it. But i still care about him and miss being with him. I think talking to him just sort of emphasizes that I can't do that anymore and it hurts. I've been listening to this song of Amy Lee's on repeat since i downloaded it earlier. It's so beautiful, and there are hopes, dreams, amazement... So, I wrote her that letter. I don't think she's going to get it, but you never know. But asking Josh to not talk to me was something I had to do for myself. You have to be able to be your own best friend sometimes and look out for yourself. If it hurts, then make it stop. I hope Josh and I can be friends some day. But it's going to take a long time for me I think. Enough of that. Let me tell you about my day!
Lets see... I went to a meeting with Nancy this morning to talk about customer service and bookstacks. It was fun... Then I did some shifting. Then I went to the housing office to get put in the general lottery. Afterwards, I went to the fin. aid office only to find out they still haven't fixed my fin. aid. Bah! But, I'm applying for my loan, cuz I don't want to wait anymore. Then i got lunch and went downtown to rehearse for scene study class. It wasn't a very constructive rehearsal though... Then I met Michael for dinner. I really love talking to him. He's an amazing listener (I could probably learn a thing or two from him). Then we went and got tea because i can't go downtown without going to Argo Tea. Then I found out Michael had never been to Ghiradelli's even though he lives downtown!! So we went and got our free sample chocolate and I bought some hot chocolate. We stopped in Borders so I could go to the bathroom, and of course I ended up leaving with a book! It's Racine's version of Phaedra in french. Should be a fun read! Then we went to the Hershey's store and then Michael walked me to the bus stop so I could get home and do some hw. Instead, I come home and print out my reading and start downloading music and fall in love with this song (which i am still listening to). Then I talked to Josh for a while and we all know how that ended. I don't want to do reading, and I don't want to sleep. I don't know what I want sometimes.
Dear Amy Lee,
I listened to a song of yours tonight that meant a lot to me. I sort of came across is when I was downloading some stuff (I’m sorry, I’m a poor, in debt college student, and I know that's not excuse... So please forgive me.) But I'd like to tell you what this song meant to me. I'm really smart; I go to one of the most rigorous universities in the country. I'm here because I felt obligated to pursue an academic career because otherwise I'd be wasting this gift and opportunity I've been given. But I've been talking myself out of doing what I really love for most of my life because I thought it was impractical. Smart girls don't pursue theatre! They know it's hard, and know that they would have so many other, very worth while, oppertunities that they could pursue with and undergraduate or higher degree. But I want to create art that touches people, even if that means making myself vulnerable and sharing the most wonderful, painful, and scary moments of my life. And your song seemed to encapsulate all the qualities that I hope my own art will one day exude. This song was so honest, clumsily honest at times... It was beautiful and you made yourself so vulnerable. When I went to look up the lyrics to the song I found reports that stated you didn't want people listening to/reading the lyrics of this song, and if that's true I'm very sorry. But your song "You" really inspired and changed my life tonight, and for that I would most sincerely like to thank you.
~Janice
Life has been soooooo very crazy of late! I'm actually using my planner, every day! It's insane! But good! I wrote 2 papers on monday while crazy sick and i don't think they totally sucked... Anywho, scene study class is going well. Ramsay and I seem to be on the right tract with our scene I just need to vary my actions more. The problem is I get so into it that I forget to do stuff... I need to slow down. My first real rehearsal for Phaedra is tonight and I'm totally not ready! I haven't done any of my prep. I really need to finish reading the play. I find the monologues to be a bit long though so I sorta skimmed it and missed ALL the important stuff. So this time, real reading. Oh, and today I was a total idiot. I left my keys in Stony, therefore, I had to miss my Arab/Isreali class so I could go home and work that out. But I'm here now and life is good! So much work to do! Oh and I'm meeting with Evelyn this friday to talk about my proposal for next quarter. I'm rethinking it now. i think i want music for the transitions, just to bring me from one place to another. So maybe I need to find a collaborator for this project. I'll just have to sniff around. Stage manager/muse/music person! That's what I need. Cuz I don't want a director. I just need someone to yell at me when I'm not bringing it! Yup! Anywho, it should be good. I definetly want to do a preview on UT day! Me and a cube. THat's what it's going to be! Well, got to get to work! Vale!
Dear Ms Rumschlag,
Just a note to say I thought you did a very good job yesterday in your presentation. You challenged Collingwood's objection with just the right stuff.
Bob Richards
I can't concentrate on my reading... I have so much to do and I just can't concentrate. My off-off audition was awful. My partner was amazing and I just didn't know how to respond to that. I mean I don't know. I just didn't have any stage presence... I used to have that in spades. In fact, it's the only thing i could count on. I hate this. I hate who I am lately. I have all these doubts and just don't know what to do. I want to be in a show but i'm dying with all the work i have to do. I'm already freaking out with all the work. And I want to add to that?! There's this part of me that just wants to say "Fuck you stupid UofC! I don't even want to be here anymore. All i want to do is freaking act and I can't even do that?! What the hell?" I'm listening to the Last Five years again. I only do that when I'm freaking out. I just need to get into something so I know I'm not a total idiot for choosing this profession. I'm doing this because I love it! Because when I'm not involved in a production a part of me wants to die. And, that's how I feel right now... Like, a part of me wants to just curl up and die. I know that I'm in this scene study class etc, and that's a way bigger deal. But there's no audience. There's classmates who are judging you. there are no lights. The energy from the audience is completely different. This is what I want and I just blew it again and I don't know why... I know i shouldn't worry, I mean improv is a completely different monster. But, I wanted this. I wanted it a lot. But I need to get used to rejection. that's all i'm going to get as an actor. So, I guess that's all this is. A test to see if I can handly a lot of rejection. I just want to be in a show that rapes me sideways... something that gets under my skin and challenges me to the point I don't think I can handle it. That's what I want. And, well, I thought improv could be that kind of challenge. Oh well. Keep moving. I just need a little momentum.
It's been a really tough week! So what if I'm being a little negative??? I don't have to be happy all the time ;) Scene study class today was great!! I have to be able to taste it!!! Mwahahahaha!!! Yeah, next week I have to present my scene I've been working on AND i have to have my lines memorized by thursday!! Fun times! Anywho, I have a tone of philosophy of history reading to do! Ttyl.
So I decided not to do the rock opera. I want to get my monologue show together and that's going to take up all/most of my time. And I'm gonna audition for off off campus and occam's razor i think. Improv i think would help me get used to working on my feet. So i'm sitting around not doing work. I'm such a slacker. Oh well...
On or before Monday, Novermber 27th I have my final papers due for Ancient Med. World, Arab-Israeli Conflict, and Philosophy of History. That's like all my classes just about. So really, I could go home on wed. of finals week... Life sucks. I had a bad day. I'm going to be a zombie/soldier in the rock opera. Bah on life. The one thing I didn't want is precisely what I got... Oh, and i blew up at Rachael. I'm a horrible, looser person.
I didn't get called back for the three shows I auditioned for that are doing callbacks. I didn't really want the polish play or the rock opera. But I'm a bit disappointed about the last one, which i really liked. The other three I auditioned for don't do callbacks. So there's still hope... But I'm not counting on it. I'm kinda glad though, cuz I have so much work to do this quarter to get my own show ready. I think I might audition for off-off though just for the hell of it. ANd CES is doing a show which could be fun. ANywho, I have to go to rehearsal for my acting class. Vale!
I'm really glad I ended auditions on a good night. My last show was Ghostlight, which is about actors!! And I fell in love with the side! This girl was describing the moment when she discovered her life would be in theatre and why she loved acting so much. And i got to do a British accent!! Good thing Rachael and I practice them soooooooooo much ;) Anywho, I decided not to audition for the big shows cuz they're too much of a time commitment. I am going to die this quarter! As of right now I will be writing not one, but TEN papers this quarter! I only wrote 2 last quarter (granted they were research papers). But my goodness! TEN!! And I have soooooo much reading. I had my first scene study class on monday... It was so scary. I was the youngest person in the class by at least six years. And my scene was really difficult. But I was cold reading and I'm a really crummy cold reader. So now I just wait, and wait. Night!
I've unpacked all my stuff and it's only a quarter till one!! Wahoo! Granted, everything isn't quite in the right place but everything is unpacked. I had a really hard time fitting everything because this room has a real lack of storage space! No room under the bed, no book shelves, oh, and no trashcan!! Bah! Anywho, I still haven't met my roomate. She's moved in a bunch of her stuff but I haven't seen her yet. Nor, have I seen either of the girls in the other room. Oh well, no one's here to tell me not to put stuff in the kitchen, etc. I have to get a shower curtain tomorrow... along with dish soap. Oh, and I've already remembered three big things I forgot at the apt. Gonna be busy tomorrow! Night!
Yeah, so today was a nice, I didn't go to work, day. I woke up late, got lunch at potbelly's (man do I love their key line soda!!), then i spent some time watching clips on youtube of england's reality tv show "how do you solve a problem like maria?" It's a show where they're trying to cast the part of maria for a revival production in the west end. Then I spent the afternoon/evening hanging out with Michael. We explored china town and later i introduced him to Argo tea. Man do i love that place. I totally see myself staying in chicago as long as possible just so I can go to argo tea ;) It was a really nice day though and tomorrow I pack cuz we move out on friday. Oh, and I still haven't sold my bed yet! Ahhhhhhhh! Now I'm just sitting listening to a new musical called Bernarda Alba. It's based on a Lorca play I'm going to have to read now!! But really like it. It's a LaChiusa musical, and Rachael's mad in love with the dude's music. Now I think I understand why ;)
I've really got my songs now! All acapella cuz acomaniment and auditions = death!! I don't know why I'm freaking out! I sound great! I just have to keep telling myself that and make sure i take the time to warm up everyday till tues! I'm gonna do all the singing ones first to get them out of the way me thinks?!
The classes I wanted!!! Arab-Israeli conflict and philosophy of history!!! So life is good now!!
go to the Virgin store downtown when you don't want to spend money!! They were having a huge sale on DVD's. I left with I heart huckabees, rocky horror picture show, and vanity fair! Fun times. Rachael, Brian, and I went to the BBQ for all the first years today and then went and met a bunch of them at the house. Next, we ventured downtown and just sorta bopped for a while and got dinner. We saw the Devil Wears Prada which was cute. Ok, I need to go do some work! Vale!
I'm sitting here, early in the morning, listening to the same music. It's a verticle horizon soundtrack that I remember listening to once while spralled out on the bathroom floor in 8th grade. I was so lost and sad. So much of me hasn't changed, including my tastes in music and how I interact with said music. I'm gonna try and sleep now. Maybe this time I'll actually have a dream.
It was sooooooo cold and grey out. I got back really late last night cuz my plane was delayed from the weather. Let me just tell you, downtown Chicago at midnight with a giant suit case is kinda creepy. Anywho, I got home and Rachael and i talked till probably 5am because I couldn't sleep. Bah! I miss how dark it is in FL!! So we both blew off work at the library today and went downtown. We went to visit the "new" Macy's. It was depressing. I miss all the green that was there when it was Marshal Field's. Yeah, so we went all over. I failed in my attempts to find a new purse. Oh well... Rachael and I are now listening to an amazing musical called Bernarda Alba. Oh, and we watched Little Mermaid and drank Ghiradelli's hot chocolate. Nice girls night in. I really need to start getting my stuff together to move next week but we all know that I won't get around to it till Thurs. night ;) Oh, and my new Acting class starts on Monday. I'm beyond psyched!! I really need to start getting my crap together for auditions in a few weeks too. I'm really nervous about the rock opera audition. La la la la la... Vale!
I started writing this in the airport on my way to FL. I couldn't concentrate to read. So I just wrote.
No one's here. I sit alone,
about to begin a new journey.
Things have been wrong for so long,
But I played despite myself.
Dancing around a truth I didn't want to see.
You don't love me.
You don't even desire me.
I thought I was ready to jump!
But I got sent a boy,
A man more lost than me.
The world spins and rushes around us...
kites fly, shoes fly, dreams fly
and finally you fly...away,
far away from me.
I was so scared to let you in—
Terrified by the thought of someone penetrating me.
Afterwards, I was scared of the empty
space that would remain if you left...
when you left.
We were never quite right,
"Us" was always draining,
And now we're both tired of pretending.
But now I miss the closeness.
I miss your bright green eyes.
I wish we could have made us work.
I wish you had told me goodbye.
It's pretty simple. But I was sad. I'm not allowing comments on this entry. If you have a comment e-mail or facebook message me. Thanks!
The song I'm gonna use to audition for the rock opera!!! Wahooo!! One down, three to go. I think the other three I'll just use the same song for all of them. I really hope I don't get cast in something that requires singing. I need to get over this!! Bah!
It's strange how coming home has helped me remember who I am. All my old friends have been commenting about the things they remember me as. Neon Green, Bob, talking ninety miles per hour without ever taking a breath, etc. Everyone sees me as the same person I always was. Silly, constantly tripping... I still am all those things. But seeing my old friends is weird because they all have whole lives that I'm not a part of anymore. I'm just an acquantance now. It just made me feel more alone. That's what I remember when I come home. That I'm alone. When I lived here I never went anywhere. My favorite things to do where to read and walk my dogs. I spent so much time not talking... I spent so much time just feeling the world around me. I think that's why weather was so important for me when I lived here. It made the day different. Everyone is really proud of me though. My dad, Mrs. Chapman, Gina... They all have such faith in me. Mrs. Chapman had me talk to her drama 2/3/4 class while I was there. It was really weird, but a lot of fun. And now I'm up listening to sad music and can't sleep. I finished my book earlier. It was a good book. I read books differently now, because I've had been through more. Can relate to certain situations more. Damn happy endings. Good night.
Dude! Will I ever get tired of this musical?! I wish I was home alone and could sing it all over the house. I'm going to visit Paxon tomorrow. Gina's giving me a ride. I really want to talk to mrs. chapman. I haven't told her about the whole life plan shift. I hope she's there! I mean, I don't remember her ever not coming in when i was in her class, but with my luck she's got some rare one week virus keeping her from school for the entire time i'm here to visit! I'm kinda nervous about it actually. I'm not sure why. Why is it so hard for me to tell people I want to be an actress? It just seems so frivolous (sp??). But I love it. I love it so much. Then, after Paxon I'm gonna hang out with Aaron. I haven't seen him since junior year, and I'm excited. I remember really being able to talk with him about all sorts of things. (the schmeul song just came on!). He's thinking about going to law school. Oh and my dad has finally figured out what he wants to do with his life. But, he can't tell me what, because it won't come true (he had a dream about it you see. funny thing is, I'm exactly the same about this sort of stuff! lol). Hopefully it all works out for everyone. Please God, let me get into Julliard (or some other equally good school)!
I was riding on the train to the air port. Just listening to my shuffle. And then the song came on. The song I've been looking for the past few weeks. Everything I've been feeling was there, and it was nice to not feel so alone. When I get home I'm going to sing it to my puppies. I miss singing to them so much.
I had to go get my computer for lunch today because this song came into my head and i had to find it! lol.
Hotel Rawanda today with kate and brian. I couldn't watch a whole lot of it because I kept on running and hiding in Rachael's room. I can't believe they all made it out alive. Afterwards, I felt... off. It was as bad as some of my nightmares. So I blew off all my friends and went to the lake. I found a secret place in the rocks where no one could see me and I cried. As I sat there talking to God the sky cried with me for hundreds upon hundreds of people I've never met. And I just lay there for a while. I couldn't stop crying. Having the dreams made it hurt worse because this was real. These were real people. And no one helped them.
| Angel DumottSchunard You scored 75% creativity, 54% monogamy, 23% conformity, and 51% optimism! |
| You're Angel! If your friends all seem to adore you, it's because they do. You're a fun person to be around -- creative, loyal, original, and optimistic. You're a romantic, and always have a new view on life. You like longterm relationships, and if you haven't had one or aren't in one, you may be looking for true love. However, it's not an obsession, and you don't let it get you down. You like to live life as it comes. You're probably extremely open minded, and may have a diverse variety of friends. They probably like to be around you a lot, because you don't lie to them, but you do tend to look on the bright side of every event. You probably have a lot of ideas about how things could be better in the world, and you honestly believe that you and your friends can help get them accomplished. |
 |
I woke up and it was still dark. Not only was it dark, it was raining!! So I e-mailed work and told them i wasn't coming in (how could I turn down some rain??). I got dressed, said bye to Rachael and headed out. I don't know why people in Chicago are so afraid of a little rain. I rolled up my pants not long after I left and walked down to the Shoreland where I crossed under the high way to get to the lake. By this time it was really pouring and there was NO ONE around. I think I saw one runner and one biker while I was by the lake. I then walked north to go over the bridge to get home. My fingers got all wrinkly and the lake was oddly calm. All the lightning stayed over the lake. It was beatiful. Good for the soul beautiful. I think I must have been a plant or something because rain feels so nourishing and wonderful. I bought milk and made hot chocolate when I got home. My soaking wet clothes are hanging in the bathroom. :) Now for Harry Potter.
to do some good things for my soul. I began today by visiting mugglenet.com for the first time in a long while and started reading HP (see earlier entry ;). I also got orange chicken for dinner. It was good! lol. Tomorrow, I will have to do something good because I'm going to be shifting all day :( Still wishing for rain! Maybe I should read the weather report... But that would ruin the surprise.
to do some good things for my soul. I began today by visiting mugglenet.com for the first time in a long while and started reading HP (see earlier entry ;). I also got orange chicken for dinner. It was good! lol. Tomorrow, I will have to do something good because I'm going to be shifting all day :( Still wishing for rain! Maybe I should read the weather report... But that would ruin the surprise.
Dear Janice,
Kurt Naebig teaches a special scene study class at The Acting Studio Chicago and we begin our registration on an 'invite only' basis. Kurt's goal is to assemble a dynamic group of actors who have demonstrated a high level of professionalism and talent and he would like to invite you to the class.
Advanced Scene Study will begin on Monday, September 18th and will meet every Monday for eight weeks. Tuition will be ___.
Advanced Scene Study will be limited to 14 students so if you'd like to join the class, please give us a call at the studio as soon as possible.
The answer: Harry Potter. Unfortunetly, the reg's copy of book one is missing. So i'm reading my favorite, book three.
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldnt even sleep
So many secrets I couldnt keep
I promised myself I wouldnt weep
One more promise I couldnt keep
It seems no one can help me now,
Im in too deep; theres no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow Im neither here nor there
Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Lifes mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just dont believe it
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow Im neither here nor there
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
Its just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow Im neither here nor there
Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same
The smell of any kind of cooked food has been doing a number on me these past few days. I was really sad yesterday morning. It was hard to concentrate and practice my monologues. Then I had my meeting with my acting teacher at eleven and we talked for a while. He said he thinks i'm in the right profession, I just need to figure out how to get myself to bring it, on command. Expand my bubble so to speak. But he wants me to take his master's scene study class! I can't believe it. Becuase I was going to ask him if he'd let me in his level two begining class! Instead, he offered me a spot in a master's class! Yesterday reminded me why I do theatre. I don't do it just to move people, force them to see some sort of truth, I also do it because it really lets me get things out in a positive way. I had a hard time doing the lovey dovey part of my Viola monologue (12th night). It was just really hard.
Why what would I?
Make me a willow cabin at your gate
And call upon my soul within the house.
Write loyal cantons of condemned love
And sing them loud even in the dead of night.
Hallow your name to the reverberate hills
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out, "Olivia"
It just came out sorta angry in class. So I came home and rachael and brian and I went out to dinner to celebrate me getting into this advanced class. We went to Uno and got some really great pizza. I was starving because I hadn't really eaten anything in 2 days, so of course I over did it. And today the sight of food disgusts me again. Bah. Whatever.
I was online last night talking to a bunch of friends in GA. It was especially hard talking to Bridgette because she understood why i feel lost. so many parts of myself that aren't there anymore. I find myself praying a lot lately. I miss being able to pray with other people. I finished my cart 45minutes early and I was going sooooooo slow. At least I'm not stuck in the basement doing check in. My shuffle keeps playing all my favorite sad songs. I swear this thing is psychic. :p
Ninety Miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
Need an answer
Two years later
You're still on my mind
Whatever happen to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain...
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue...
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...
Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time...tonight
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain...
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue...
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...
(yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah...
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon...
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you...
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow,
And watched the stars crash in the sea,
If I could ask God just one question...
Why aren't you here with me?...tonight
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain...
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue...
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...
(yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah...
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon...
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you...
I spent most of the morning crying. I shouldn't be writing about this here. Out of respect for the wonderful time we had together. But i hurt so much. I care about him so much. Josh broke up with me this morning. And unless you're him, don't ask me about it. I do hope he finds someone who will make him happy. Someone who will let him have fun and be himself. I've stopped crying though. I'm gonna be ok. Sometimes things just don't work out. They're not right and it's no one's fault. It's not my fault. There's nothing more I could have done. Right? I learned a lot about myself from Josh. I learned a lot about what I need by being with him. It's just hard. I was talking to kate, just yesterday, about what I was planning on giving him for his birthday next month. I had a great plan. But now it would just be weird i guess. He doesn't love me. It's as simple as that. Even though I really was falling in love with him. But real love is mutual. No matter how much i tried I couldn't make him love me like that. There's nothing I could have done. I can be strong. I've always had to be the strong one. And I'll be strong now. I can be happy on my own. I have been for most of my life. Hakuna-matata. I really do wish he'd told me in person.
It's really sad that I rarely write anything on this blog that even closely resembles what's really on my mind. Lots of things have been spinning in my head this week. Lots of worry about what spinning in a few other people's heads. Anywho, this song came on today while I was putting away macro-shift books and it's just so pretty. Enjoy!
You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still (just) a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say: "i love you"
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by
Moonlight and love songs - never out of date
Hearts full of passion - jealousy and hate
Woman needs man - and man must have his mate
That no one can deny
It’s still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by
I didn't go to work today because I had such a bad stomach ache this morning... It went away about midday but I was still sort of physically tired. You know, every one of my limbs just wanted to lie down. I did manage to go to the financial aid office. Lets just say it was an educational experience! lol. My stomach ache came back this evening though and all I wanted to do was watch pride and prejudice, only to find that mine was scratched somehow and will no longer play! lkasjdfl;akjsdflaksdjf. So an hour later when Kate got home I got her to accompany me on a trip to hollywood video to rent the movie i wanted to watch! lol. I'm such a boring person. All I really want to do is run out and dance in a thunderstorm. A real thunderstorm. Please god, let it rain A LOT while I'm home. I'll just have to try my hardest not to drag the dogs with me on one of my excursions into the inclement weather. Yes, but I think i'm in a rut. I want to run in a field. Why the hell do i feel so darn tired ? I hate being sick. I really hate being sick when no one is home. I want some of my dad's soup. I wish I knew how to make soup. The real kind with lots of vegitable and NO LENTILS. vale.
I want someone who will tell me when i'm being a pain in the ass! Why am i watching this movie again?
Meeting today!! One hour of listening to nancy and free food! And no books! I've been pretty grumpy lately cuz i've been working 9 hour days at the library to make up for some hours i missed last week. I fell asleep last night around 8ish and slept until 7am. It was great! My acting class is going well (in response to Jackie's question in the awesome e-mail she sent me). I'm a shakespeare goddess come to find out! Only three weeks left though which makes me sad... Anywho, got to get back to work! Vale!
I have a huge blister. It looks gross today. Maybe I should get a bandaid... I HATE THE LIBRARY!! If you're reading this, send me an e-mail or write a note. I need something to distract me at work. How many more days until Sept. 1st??? I'm so tired.
It's sooooooooo hot out again. I'm doing the pick-up and the air isn't on in the stacks. Blah! It was so nice to see Josh last night. He liked his suprise at least the first part (lemon pepper from the spice store and a manly measuring cup with no handle). lol. I think I'm going to go to the gym after work today because I never want to work out at home when it's so hot out. Ttyl.
It's soooooooooooo darn hot outside!! And it's soooooooooooo darn hot in the stacks where I've been shifting all afternoon with rachael. I think this heat is making me very irritable. I got some books on world religions today. Oh, I also got gone with the wind since I've never managed to get around to see the movie. The book's probably better anyway. Anywho, I'm tired. Ran hard today during my lunch break. I hate coming back from the gym because people always look at me with concern because they all think I'm dying. I just turn abnormally red people!! What the hell?! Stop looking at me like that! Blah! SOrry, I'm irritable. That's my excuse! Damn heat! I didn't sleep very well last night because of it. Whatever, almost time to go home! Vale!
