Confused

So I totally bombed this audition tonight. If they cast me then they're really crappy directors or really desperate. I don't know; I just went too fast. I've just been rather agitated lately and I couldn't keep it out for some reason. Anyways, whatever. I need to find a monologue for this audition for sat. At least it's on my own terms. My monologue! So I went and took my quiz for math this morning and now I’m doing the hw and messing up on the darn algebra. I miss happy numbers! I spent a lot of time cleaning my room and taking a shower. Did some hum. reading. Pretty uneventful day.

Daniel is still not talking to me. Whatever. Life just isn't fair or nice sometimes. And it looks like I’m not even going to be able to hang out with my friends in Mathews much anymore cuz he’s always there ignoring me. I have been neglecting my coulter friends so it may be a blessing in disguise. Saw Ben at lunch today. I haven't talked to him in ages. He's doing well and we talked for a bit. I just sort of wonder why he didn't want me. I just got tired of initiating everything so I just sort of took the hint and left him alone. Maybe he thinks I’m an annoying overly emotional individual like Daniel does. But I can't help it! I try and stay in control but you can only push me so far. Why do I have to be so sensitive? I didn't ask to be this way. I really don’t want to be an analytical unemotional person though. I like being able to be happy and being able to experience things without thinking.