On or before Monday, Novermber 27th I have my final papers due for Ancient Med. World, Arab-Israeli Conflict, and Philosophy of History. That's like all my classes just about. So really, I could go home on wed. of finals week... Life sucks. I had a bad day. I'm going to be a zombie/soldier in the rock opera. Bah on life. The one thing I didn't want is precisely what I got... Oh, and i blew up at Rachael. I'm a horrible, looser person.
I didn't get called back for the three shows I auditioned for that are doing callbacks. I didn't really want the polish play or the rock opera. But I'm a bit disappointed about the last one, which i really liked. The other three I auditioned for don't do callbacks. So there's still hope... But I'm not counting on it. I'm kinda glad though, cuz I have so much work to do this quarter to get my own show ready. I think I might audition for off-off though just for the hell of it. ANd CES is doing a show which could be fun. ANywho, I have to go to rehearsal for my acting class. Vale!
I'm really glad I ended auditions on a good night. My last show was Ghostlight, which is about actors!! And I fell in love with the side! This girl was describing the moment when she discovered her life would be in theatre and why she loved acting so much. And i got to do a British accent!! Good thing Rachael and I practice them soooooooooo much ;) Anywho, I decided not to audition for the big shows cuz they're too much of a time commitment. I am going to die this quarter! As of right now I will be writing not one, but TEN papers this quarter! I only wrote 2 last quarter (granted they were research papers). But my goodness! TEN!! And I have soooooo much reading. I had my first scene study class on monday... It was so scary. I was the youngest person in the class by at least six years. And my scene was really difficult. But I was cold reading and I'm a really crummy cold reader. So now I just wait, and wait. Night!
I've unpacked all my stuff and it's only a quarter till one!! Wahoo! Granted, everything isn't quite in the right place but everything is unpacked. I had a really hard time fitting everything because this room has a real lack of storage space! No room under the bed, no book shelves, oh, and no trashcan!! Bah! Anywho, I still haven't met my roomate. She's moved in a bunch of her stuff but I haven't seen her yet. Nor, have I seen either of the girls in the other room. Oh well, no one's here to tell me not to put stuff in the kitchen, etc. I have to get a shower curtain tomorrow... along with dish soap. Oh, and I've already remembered three big things I forgot at the apt. Gonna be busy tomorrow! Night!
Yeah, so today was a nice, I didn't go to work, day. I woke up late, got lunch at potbelly's (man do I love their key line soda!!), then i spent some time watching clips on youtube of england's reality tv show "how do you solve a problem like maria?" It's a show where they're trying to cast the part of maria for a revival production in the west end. Then I spent the afternoon/evening hanging out with Michael. We explored china town and later i introduced him to Argo tea. Man do i love that place. I totally see myself staying in chicago as long as possible just so I can go to argo tea ;) It was a really nice day though and tomorrow I pack cuz we move out on friday. Oh, and I still haven't sold my bed yet! Ahhhhhhhh! Now I'm just sitting listening to a new musical called Bernarda Alba. It's based on a Lorca play I'm going to have to read now!! But really like it. It's a LaChiusa musical, and Rachael's mad in love with the dude's music. Now I think I understand why ;)
I've really got my songs now! All acapella cuz acomaniment and auditions = death!! I don't know why I'm freaking out! I sound great! I just have to keep telling myself that and make sure i take the time to warm up everyday till tues! I'm gonna do all the singing ones first to get them out of the way me thinks?!
The classes I wanted!!! Arab-Israeli conflict and philosophy of history!!! So life is good now!!
go to the Virgin store downtown when you don't want to spend money!! They were having a huge sale on DVD's. I left with I heart huckabees, rocky horror picture show, and vanity fair! Fun times. Rachael, Brian, and I went to the BBQ for all the first years today and then went and met a bunch of them at the house. Next, we ventured downtown and just sorta bopped for a while and got dinner. We saw the Devil Wears Prada which was cute. Ok, I need to go do some work! Vale!
I'm sitting here, early in the morning, listening to the same music. It's a verticle horizon soundtrack that I remember listening to once while spralled out on the bathroom floor in 8th grade. I was so lost and sad. So much of me hasn't changed, including my tastes in music and how I interact with said music. I'm gonna try and sleep now. Maybe this time I'll actually have a dream.
It was sooooooo cold and grey out. I got back really late last night cuz my plane was delayed from the weather. Let me just tell you, downtown Chicago at midnight with a giant suit case is kinda creepy. Anywho, I got home and Rachael and i talked till probably 5am because I couldn't sleep. Bah! I miss how dark it is in FL!! So we both blew off work at the library today and went downtown. We went to visit the "new" Macy's. It was depressing. I miss all the green that was there when it was Marshal Field's. Yeah, so we went all over. I failed in my attempts to find a new purse. Oh well... Rachael and I are now listening to an amazing musical called Bernarda Alba. Oh, and we watched Little Mermaid and drank Ghiradelli's hot chocolate. Nice girls night in. I really need to start getting my stuff together to move next week but we all know that I won't get around to it till Thurs. night ;) Oh, and my new Acting class starts on Monday. I'm beyond psyched!! I really need to start getting my crap together for auditions in a few weeks too. I'm really nervous about the rock opera audition. La la la la la... Vale!
I started writing this in the airport on my way to FL. I couldn't concentrate to read. So I just wrote.
No one's here. I sit alone,
about to begin a new journey.
Things have been wrong for so long,
But I played despite myself.
Dancing around a truth I didn't want to see.
You don't love me.
You don't even desire me.
I thought I was ready to jump!
But I got sent a boy,
A man more lost than me.
The world spins and rushes around us...
kites fly, shoes fly, dreams fly
and finally you fly...away,
far away from me.
I was so scared to let you in—
Terrified by the thought of someone penetrating me.
Afterwards, I was scared of the empty
space that would remain if you left...
when you left.
We were never quite right,
"Us" was always draining,
And now we're both tired of pretending.
But now I miss the closeness.
I miss your bright green eyes.
I wish we could have made us work.
I wish you had told me goodbye.
It's pretty simple. But I was sad. I'm not allowing comments on this entry. If you have a comment e-mail or facebook message me. Thanks!
The song I'm gonna use to audition for the rock opera!!! Wahooo!! One down, three to go. I think the other three I'll just use the same song for all of them. I really hope I don't get cast in something that requires singing. I need to get over this!! Bah!
It's strange how coming home has helped me remember who I am. All my old friends have been commenting about the things they remember me as. Neon Green, Bob, talking ninety miles per hour without ever taking a breath, etc. Everyone sees me as the same person I always was. Silly, constantly tripping... I still am all those things. But seeing my old friends is weird because they all have whole lives that I'm not a part of anymore. I'm just an acquantance now. It just made me feel more alone. That's what I remember when I come home. That I'm alone. When I lived here I never went anywhere. My favorite things to do where to read and walk my dogs. I spent so much time not talking... I spent so much time just feeling the world around me. I think that's why weather was so important for me when I lived here. It made the day different. Everyone is really proud of me though. My dad, Mrs. Chapman, Gina... They all have such faith in me. Mrs. Chapman had me talk to her drama 2/3/4 class while I was there. It was really weird, but a lot of fun. And now I'm up listening to sad music and can't sleep. I finished my book earlier. It was a good book. I read books differently now, because I've had been through more. Can relate to certain situations more. Damn happy endings. Good night.
Dude! Will I ever get tired of this musical?! I wish I was home alone and could sing it all over the house. I'm going to visit Paxon tomorrow. Gina's giving me a ride. I really want to talk to mrs. chapman. I haven't told her about the whole life plan shift. I hope she's there! I mean, I don't remember her ever not coming in when i was in her class, but with my luck she's got some rare one week virus keeping her from school for the entire time i'm here to visit! I'm kinda nervous about it actually. I'm not sure why. Why is it so hard for me to tell people I want to be an actress? It just seems so frivolous (sp??). But I love it. I love it so much. Then, after Paxon I'm gonna hang out with Aaron. I haven't seen him since junior year, and I'm excited. I remember really being able to talk with him about all sorts of things. (the schmeul song just came on!). He's thinking about going to law school. Oh and my dad has finally figured out what he wants to do with his life. But, he can't tell me what, because it won't come true (he had a dream about it you see. funny thing is, I'm exactly the same about this sort of stuff! lol). Hopefully it all works out for everyone. Please God, let me get into Julliard (or some other equally good school)!
I was riding on the train to the air port. Just listening to my shuffle. And then the song came on. The song I've been looking for the past few weeks. Everything I've been feeling was there, and it was nice to not feel so alone. When I get home I'm going to sing it to my puppies. I miss singing to them so much.
I had to go get my computer for lunch today because this song came into my head and i had to find it! lol.
